My nipple is on Facebook.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize