I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
