Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dude. I can hear the air.
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