Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
