Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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