i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize