She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
