I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm having to shit out rocks
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
