Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
