i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
