Im at strip club and am horny
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
