she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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