Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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