she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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