I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
