I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
