I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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