Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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