does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
