I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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