i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
