My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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