haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
