if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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