I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
