God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
