I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
