If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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