the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
