If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
