They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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