11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
