WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
