just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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