Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
