OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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