Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
