How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
