dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
