Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
