He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think people are normalizing furries
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
