Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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