Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
