I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
