This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
