I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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