My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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