I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize