no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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