Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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