My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
