Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
