I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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