carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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