**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
