I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
