walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
