i dont even know how to be here
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We're too hungover to prance.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize