ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize