but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
