my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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