My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
