Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
