tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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