I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
