Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...so i touched it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
