And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
