I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
