The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
someone owes me an orgasm
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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