All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
