I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
