So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
