the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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