i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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