I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
