I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
