I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
