I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize