Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
