I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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