i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
