So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
