I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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