and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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