4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
