It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
