Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
