the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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