So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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