I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize