I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
